u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
