Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
