u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
