Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
