Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
