he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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