Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
