The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
