i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
