I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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