i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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