this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I smell stomach acid.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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