So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
