you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
