Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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