The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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