I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm always down for nudity.
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