i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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