she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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