i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
50% drunk capacity currently
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
