You made me cry and you don't even care
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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