I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
