office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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