im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
