Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
