Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's shark week go big or go home
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
