just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
