I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
