Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
