you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
