Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
