smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Found your dick twin last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
