i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
