I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
