mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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