what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
