I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
