Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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