How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
sex in a hospital.. check
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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