i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
