I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
