I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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