That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
