Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
