At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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