If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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