Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
