I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
