So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
