How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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