Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
