just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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