The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
