I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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