guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
