I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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